On Saturday night I came home to my apartment and started chatting with a young woman who works in the building. She has become not just a familiar face, but a friend. She’s a full-time student and immigrant who manages a hefty classload as an Engineering major, then works back to back 12-hour shifts on Saturdays and Sundays to pay for school. Her family prefers she be back home in Nepal getting married, so achieving complete financial independence is the only way for her to live her truth.
We got to talking, and she told me she was nervous for an upcoming class debate about immigration. She had been chosen to advocate “pro-immigration” — something she obviously stands by and knows a lot about from personal experience. We read through some literature together and talked about her points. When I asked her why she was nervous, 3 main themes came through:
1. Her class was made up almost entirely of white men, so standing in front of the virtual classroom in any capacity made her nervous as a woman, but especially as a woman of color. Her perspective had been ignored in group projects many times before.
2. She didn’t want to come across as too bold or passionate about the issue. She was afraid of how her “intensity” would be perceived.
3. She wanted to bring in her personal story, but didn’t know how her vulnerability would be welcomed in the room. She felt like it might appear as weakness, and that her emotions would get the best of her — standing in the way of her making an intelligent case and getting a good grade.
There’s lots of complexity to this, but an important thread is how women, across generations, ethnicities, and decades, have been encouraged to dim their light to make others feel comfortable. How we’ve withheld emotion, compromised our beliefs, or changed our tone to accommodate the room.
I don’t pretend to know or understand everything my friend manages, but I do celebrate her and every woman’s strength and bravery today and every day. For showing up, standing up, and shining bright. #internationalwomensday2021
